Ok so I am getting divorced and my soon to be ex husband has always been very civil and understanding about me leaving the country with our son. He realized that he messed up our marriage and knows that I can provide better for my kids if I go back home, until today. He was supposed to come pick up our son for a bit and I was rushing around with the kids this morning so I accidently sent him my friends old address (she just recently moved) anyway her new address is only around the corner so it shouldn't have been a big deal. He got so mad and started being verbaly abusive over the phone. He has anger problems, so I did not let our son get in the car with him while he was so mad. So my issue is now that he is saying he wants full custody over my son and doesn't want him to go home with me. My son is very attached to me and I can never live without him, obviously. I think my husband is just upset with all that is going on with our marriage falling apart and is just trying to upset me, however I will take no chances when it comes to my kids. So I want to get some legal advice, how can I go about this? Go to base legal? File for full custody?

I really don't know how these things work, especially in the US. I will be truly grateful for any advice you guys can offer! 

This is going to come as a reality check to you, but...his interactions with you have nothing to do with him being "upset with all that is going on with the marriage falling apart" because you said HE messed up the marriage and has been "civil and understanding about me leaving the country". I'm pretty sure he's probably being shafted in court. Also, you may have gave him the wrong address on accident, but if I were him I'd probably think you were giving the run around. If you feel your child would be in danger then file for an emergency hearing to discuss that and get visitation supervised over his "anger issues"? He is not denigrating the child to you, he is denigrating you. "Put on your big girl panties". Everyone deserves to be taken down a notch or two in their life. 

Everyone deserves to be taken down a notch or two?? Wtf? Horrible advice...his anger problem has nothing to do with you, he needs help in which he probably will never get. Go to base legal ...file for divorce & full custody. It's very difficult in the us for a mother to loose custody of her children unless there is abuse...drugs...neglect & those sorts if things. He can threaten all he wants 

Just remember that it is his child too and that might be one of the reasons why he is now acting the way he is. He probably feels like he doesn't have much time left with him and you are keeping him from spending what little time he does have before you take him to a different country. 

Or, she won't be able to take the child to a different country.

He may have been to base legal already and was told if she leaves the country, it will be hard to get the child back.

With her giving the wrong address, he may have panicked and thought she bailed. 

He can defense have it arranged where she can't leave the country, and I bet base legal cannot help you in this situation. Base legal is only for divorces in which everything is agreed upon. Also if you tell them all this they prob won't be jumping with information to even lead you the right direction. 

I would advise you to seek legal counsel. I would not suggest leaving the country without a court order. 

Base legal can give you a list of retired Jag lawyers that now practice out in town. When we needed a lawyer we opted for this type because they know a little more about what can and can't be done concerning the military and give you a better idea of what to expect. Most lawyers will give you a free consultation so I'd call and talk to one to get some advice as to what your next step should be. However, if your soon to be ex fights it in court, it could be difficult or impossible for you to move out of the Country with your kids. People run into problems just moving out of the state. I would definitely do a free consultation and not look on here for legal advice though ;) Good luck. 

Taken down a notch?!


That's real rich coming from you. 

I would talk to a lawyer. I am not a fan of taking a child away from the father completely, if the father really wants to be part of the childs life.
But from MY personal experience, even here in the states, a court can order you not to leave the state (with the child), so i'm sure they can tell you not to leave the coutry(with the child). 

But from MY personal experience, even here in the states, a court can order you not to leave the state (with the child), so i'm sure they can tell you not to leave the coutry(with the child).

Very true, my court order states that my children's residency is San Diego County. I can not leave the county; state; country without their fathers consent or court approved even though I have sole custody of our daughters.

I tried forewarning another fellow military wife as she took their children to their home state. After all the court hearings she was ordered to return to California with the children where they now legally reside. 

Reality check time.

1) unless there is documented proof of his "anger" issues it's simply your word against his and will hold no weight in court.

2) If you go to a court mediator to discuss/arrange visitation percentages the courts will ALWAYS try to give 50% physical custody to each parent as long as BOTH parents can prove they can handle having the child 50% of the time. What you "want" to happen means nothing to the courts the bottom line is if a parent wants 50% physical custody of their child the courts will do everything in their power to grant it.

3) He probably realizes or has seen the #'s of just how much it is going to cost him monthly in both child and spousal support if you have the child 80% of the time or more and he is maybe now reconsidering the initial "verbal" agreement.

4) Verbal agreements mean nothing until it's written down in your PSA and signed by both parties otherwise nothing is guarantee'd.

5) Lawyer's aren't "cheap" by any means a long drawn-out contested divorce will probably cost you more in lawyer fees then you both have saved up. Wait until things have cooled down and sit down and talk to him in a civil manner to save yourselves a lot of time, money and heartache. 

it always makes me laugh when people think a marriage is ruined by one person lol and that what they want should be the way it goes... 

oh and from what i have heard,should you leave the country before court or any of the legal stuff he can actually get you for kidnapping even if it is your child because it is also his. 

it always makes me laugh when people think a marriage is ruined by one person lol and that what they want should be the way it goes...

Really?!?! So if a spouse becomes abusive that's not one person ruining it? 

Is your child a registered citizen of your country of residence? I know this can help if things turn ugly. 

Just an FYI your husband can block you in the divorce papers from ever leaving the country and even the state/county with the child(ren) you share with him. Judges are known and have granted this especially when a parent wants to leave the country. I'm sure your husband has already been advised of this or will be by legal and or a friend. 

My son is very attached to me and I can never live without him, obviously.
Judges are known and have granted this especially when a parent wants to leave the country.

As attached you claim your son to be the court systems now push for 50/50 giving the fathers a fair share. They don't like children being taken away from either parent. Unless opposing party is completely unsuitable (substance abuse and mental/verbal/emotional abusive, etc., etc. combined together) and you can have strong evidence to proof so. One "verbal abusive" conversation on the phone isn't viable evidence to pursue an argument with a judge to leave the country with the child. 

There is a attorney in Oceanside his name is called Mathew Palmer. If you are from the country you are wanting to go back to because of family n support. There is a good chance you can go since you are the primary caretaker of your child . I would sit down with your husband and agree on something take it to a attorney and have it writes up. Just get advice from a attorney please. Know need to have you stressed out over ppl giving you wrong advice...