Last night, I let my daughter go over to a girlfriends house. It was supposed to be a slumber party (not sure what 16 year olds call it). Well I knew the girls parents werent home but they gave her permission to have a few girls over. I usually trust this particular girl. Well, I guess she let the power go to her head. My daughter called me at 3 am in tears to come get her. No questions asked I hurried over to a house party. From what my daughter told me, the girl called about 20 people over and decided to throw a party with alcohol and I swear I smelled pot. They pressured her to join them then called her names when she didnt give in and called me. Which I am very proud of her for doing. I didnt call the cops in fear that my daughter would go down with them, or face further bullying. Im wondering if I should call the girls parents. I dont agree with it, but I normally over look the drinking. Im concerned with the drugs. I went in the house to go get the girl and as soon as I walked in, all of them ran out the back door. 

I would call the parents 

Im just worried about her getting more crap from the kids. They can be ruthless 

It's best to just leave it be. At this point they expect you to rat them out. She will face further bullying if you do contact that girls parents. Knowing how disgusting girls at that age are, it will only make it harder for your daughter when attending school. That's just my opinion. Regardless of whether you talk to the parents those types of kids will always find ways to get to drugs and booze. Your daughter did great! Just keep that trust and keep encouraging her that she did the right thing. 

What would I do? First, I would tell my daughter I was proud of her for doing the right thing. Second, I would apologize to my daughter for failing her as a parent by allowing her to be put into that situation. Yes, you claim you "trust this particular girl," but come on! She is 16!!!

1. You knew the parents were not home. 2. You "look past alcohol." Generally, when alcohol is present at a high school party, there is a strong possibility drugs are present as well. If you didn't know, now you know. Sounds like your kid has a strong moral compass. Good for her! 

Marvel, I am not going to arguee with you but I will ask you to retract your statement. I didnt fail my daughter as a parent by putting her in the situation and I did trust the girl. Yes she is 16. So is my daughter who as well trusted her. Not all 16 year olds are the same. My daughter for instance is 16 and made the right choice. As far as looking over the alcohol, not all parties have drugs involved. My daughter has talked to me and I trust her. She has told me of numerous parties where there was alcohol and she knows I dont like it, but that I trust her judgement and wont drink and calls me if there
are drugs or things get out of hand. Which she
did. I have let her know how proud I am of her several times. But I did not fail her as a parent and do not appreciate you saying such. I am simply asking if you would call the cops or the parents. 

You didnt fail her as a parent. You have obviously done something right. She didnt drink and called her mom when she needed you. I would say you are doing a great job. Kids that age drink, do drugs, have sex and much more. Being open about it with your child and letting them know they can call you no matter what is what being a parent is all about. Alcohol is alcohol, yes it is wrong but kids are going to do it. Its better that her daughter knows she can call her mom instead of doing something stupid. Obviously your daughter is not a drinker.
No kids this age are really mean and yes she may get bullied more but I think you need to let the parents know what happened. She is going to already get bullied and criticized because she had her mom come and get her. The kids are just waiting for parents to be contacted. I would tell my daughter she doesnt need friends like that and its time to find new ones. Maybe look for another school and switch your daughter. 

No, shes not a drinker or does drugs. She did it once 3 years ago and the outcome was very very bad. Since that day, she vowed to never touch a drop until she was of age.

Ive considered switching schools for her after lastnights incident but she insists that she wants to stay at the school shes at now 

If the shoe was on the other foot and your daughter was the one who threw the party while you weren't home, would YOU want to be notified? 

Honestly.. you should be ashamed of yourself for "over looking" alcohol drinking by minors. Only God knows who would have left that party driving.. Being only 16 years old, those kids have no clue what they could do to themselves and others. How dare you let that just slide. 

I would feel obligated to inform the parents. What if she does this again and something happens, such as someone drinking and driving, a sexual assult, a death? I would feel so guilty for not bringing it to the parents attention. And if they don't care I would strongly advise my child not to associate with them anymore. 

Sorry, I will not retract my statement, because I would apologize to my child in this instance. We as parents have a duty to our minor children to keep them safe. Next time, if it were me, I would tell my daughter she may not spend the night at a home where parents are not present. I would further open my house to the child home alone and offer to allow the slumber party at my house.

As stated, your daughter appears to have a good moral compass, so of course you are doing something right. I just remember similar situations from my time in high school, and as a parent, I would not allow my daughter to participate in a similar situation.

As far as calling the police or parents, that depends. If you call the police, potentially criminal proceedings could begin not only against the parents of that minor, but also against the other girls parents (and possibly juvenile proceedings). You also run the risk of CPS becoming involved. If you live on base, you run the risk of losing the privilege of housing, etc. Would these things happen? Maybe not. Maybe so.

As far as calling the parents, how well do you know them? I would call them just so they are aware of what happened. 

Look. The only reason I over look it at their age is bc I did the same exact thing and I am sorry but I suppose you didnt read my comment above stating that I dont like the drinking but its not as bad as doing illegal drugs so shame on you for jumping on me. Like everyone else said,if they are going to drink then they are going to drink. There is no stopping them or changing their minds. 

Dont let these fools here make you feel bad. You clearly did a great job raising your daughter for her to make such a wise mature decision. 

Really?! This is why it is such a shame to see our teenagers the way they are. Parents dont seem to want to do anything about it. Yes, you clearly did something right raising your daughter. But, what if those drunk kids, whose alcohol drinking YOU over looked, did something to your daughter or hit your daughter in a car accident? I bet you wouldnt over look it so easily then. It is JUST AS BAD as drugs cause guess what- it is still ILLEGAL and there are STILL CONSEQUENCES. 

Obvioisly we dont see eye to eye and it seems you are not listening or understanding what I am trying to say. And my daughter has already been in that sort of situation and since it happened, shes developed good judgement and outstanding maturity. I guess we have nothing left but to agree to disagree KayLay 

If it was me I would have called the police last night when you knew drinking and drugs were involved. The kids probably would have "assumed" that it was you that called but what if it was a neighbor that called? It could have been anyone.I wouldn't be able to just take my daughter and walk away from that knowing how things could turn out and other parents kids were there doing those things without their knowledge. What if your child was one of the ones that was doing the drugs, another parent knew it was happening and did nothing about it?

Yes, kids will be kids and will find ways around situations but I would still do everything I could to prevent these things and would hope that a fellow parent would as well.

Now as for you as a parent....seems like you're doing a wonderful job! Your daughter seems like she has a good head on her shoulders and it's great that you're so open with her! Since you didn't contact the police last night, you pretty much only have one option. To call the parent. Now the teenager will know FOR SURE who called and "ratted them out" but who cares? Your daughter doesn't need friends like that and if she gets bullied for it then I would hope she could just brush it off knowing that she did the right thing. 

I wouldn't have let my daughter have a sleepover where parents weren't present, no matter how much I trusted the girl. As you mentioned in reference to something else, they are teens. Trust only goes so far, and being left in an empty house is too much temptation for that age. Even the most morally sound could have an invitation for making bad choices.

Honestly, I would let the parents know. They have that right and choice to apply correct punishment if that is what they want to do. They need to know their daughter isn't as trustworthy as they imagine. And that daughter needs to understand she breached a huge trust barrier with her parents by not respecting their house.

I was a teen too. I drank and smoked pot almost daily. But it doesn't make it right or "normal" or "expected". Just means I was running wild. Teens needs guidance and direction, not someone to lead with a blind eye.

ETA: And KUDOS to your daughter. That is a tough decision to make and I, even as a stranger, admire her strength to standing up for what's right. :) 

Honestly you should have called the cops. If I were a parent of one of those teens that were drinking I would much rather have had the cops called then my child get in a car a drive and kill themselves or someone else.
I think you should also call the parents. again, if it was my house, you can bet your ass I would want to know so I can beat some sense into my child...
It doesn't matter what I did when I was a kid, I don't want them to make the same mistakes... 

I wouldnt of called the cops. If I walked in on a teenage party I would of called the parents right away and called the parents of the kids there to pick up there children. But who knows, maybe the parents knew of the party. All parents are different. Dont let people on the PU determine if your a good parent or not, its the PU. Second I would give my daughter a chance at her current school after all this, if things get bad for her than I would switch schools. I would also make sure she understood friends like that she doesnt need. But I remember the things I did in high school and there wasnt anything my mom could of did to stop me. But I couldnt call my mom to come get me from a party ether. And to everyone saying she shouldnt of let her daughter stay the night at a house with no parent for one she is 16, for 2 it happens all the time but usually the kids dont tell the parents no parent is present. Obviously they have a honest and open relationship as mom and daughter. I think it all depends on the child and the trust you have in them on what you let them do. Every kid is different. 

shizzlemydizzle --- 1 hours ago - quote - flag comment - hide comments
If the shoe was on the other foot and your daughter was the one who threw the party while you weren't home, would YOU want to be notified? 

My thoughts exactly!! 

I would talk to the parents. My son knows right from wrong and unfortunatly sometimes this means standing up for whats right, then having to deal with repercussions. He's already had to deal with some reprecussions of doing the right thing but we'll still instill these values in him and luckily so far he totally agrees with us. Life is full of repercussions for doing the right thing. Its a hard lesson for children to learn. But its more important to instill strong vaules. I can totally tell you guys are doing a good job just by the fact your daughter called you. I totally disagree with leaving 16 year olds at a home overnight unsupervised, (as former teens we know this is just asking for trouble) but obviously your daughter can be trusted because she took the right steps in calling you. I would just be cautious about what can happen because of other teens. Luckily the situation wasn't worse. Could have been drunk boys trying to force themselves on girls. I trust my kids but I don't trust situations or other kids. Everything is a learning experience and there isn't a right or wrong answer of what to do now. You have to do whats best for you guys. At least give your daugther lots of praise for being mature and calling you. :-) 

Okay let me address the over looking the drinking thing first. Yeah kids are going to do what they're going to do but over looking is telling them it's okay when it's not. By you over looking it you're saying well I don't want you to but it's not that bad, not a fantastic message to stupid teenagers. Let's be realistic all teenagers are stupid, I was dumber than rocks and I was one of the good one, the self preservation, my actions have consequences for myself and others switch hasn't flipped in their head. So condoning anything that goes against the rules or the laws teaches them they don't have to respect authority. Whatever, you have to sleep with yourself at night and if you're okay with what your actions are implying than end of story.

Two, if this was the early 2000's I would have called the cops, back when they hand cuffed you, called your parents had you lined up outside waiting to explain what you'd done. (this totally happened to idiot me when I want even drinking but there was alcohol at an teen party) Totally a teachable moment. Today they'll throw their asses in jail, sue the parents and probably take your kids away for child endangerment. No I probably wouldnt have called the cops. People and law enforcement are a little too jumpy these days. You bet I would haves called her parents, i would have dragged her ass out of the house if it was one of my friends kids, and you bet I would take my kid out of school.

They were being mean to her because she didn't want to do drugs and she called her mommy crying about it. Yeah that's just the beginning of what jerks they can be. If she was emotional tipped by them challenging her convictions I would make the choice for her and remove her from that school. If she can't stand up confident in her decisions to do what's right in a small group how is she going to hack it when a larger group tries it at school? Being upset and crying about them trying to preassure her into doing drungs or drinking opens the door. When you show weak ness when someone is trying to break you down they take that opening and run with it. So I would tell her to always remember this:

We always do what's right, not just whats easy. (Sometimes its hard but nothing worth having is ever easy.) We stand up for ourselves as well as those that can't stand up for themselves.( If you don't know what to do look around, if not you than who.) We lead our lives with integrity no matter who is watcing and we hold our heads high and speak wih confidence while doing so. Don't feeling anything but sorry for those who don't care about themselves. (her friends that think it's okay to drink, use drugs and have completely eroded moral fiber for attack someone who doesn't want to participate) Their opinions are not worth your tears. You are smart, beautiful, and I'm proud of your mature decisions.

Did you ever notice how have thing authority changes your reactions? Give her the license to stand up for herself. Make it a rule, people have very different reactions to adversity when they're told they're not only allowed but supposed to act a certain way. This way maybe she can hack if she deciders so stay at that school. If you can't tell I'm really concerned about the kids being mean to her and her not being able to take it.