Tears run down my cheeks!!!..honestly..i dont even know why im writing on here..maybe desperation??..i have 4 perfect babies, a nice house ..ive always been the really cool person but yet i feel so lonely and sad inside?..i think im pretty,have a perfectly man made set of boobs and good sense of humor and style but dont have any friends???...im a good mother and my kids are well taken care of but i dont even want to go outside to play anymore!!!!..people think im this super woman but things are not as easy as i make them look..inside i am dying..i feel like the only thing that is keeping me Alive are my kids..me and my husband have been married for over 8 years and all he did was cheat on me the first 6 so it kind of turned me into this very bitter and angry person..i dont even know who i am anymore..and im so stressed out that i just dont even know what to do with myself...depression is just taking over me yet i dont even want to be bothered to go and see a doctor...i know its a bit weird writting my problems on here but i thought in some way it might help being able to say how i feel to perfect strangers since i dont even have any friends to talk to in the first place..ugh!!! 

I would seek counceling...and a divorce (me personally) I'd never stay with a man that was unfaithful. As for the friends, have you tried making any? 

You really do need to see a dr. and maybe go see a counselor. This could turn very serious and will only get worse if you don't seek help. 

i'd say finding out 3/4th of your marriage is a lie (the foundation to all the things that are now in your life) is enough to send anyone into a depression. 

I agree with Champ.
You should try to find something you really enjoy, when I'm feeling down I like to go fishing. 

You said you dont want to be bothered to see a doctor but you have to think about your kids. If you won't do it for yourself do it for them. Just as it isn't healthy for you to be that depressed it isn't healthy for them. 

.You said you dont want to be bothered to see a doctor but you have to think about your kids. If you won't do it for yourself do it for them. Just as it isn't healthy for you to be that depressed it isn't healthy for them


^^^ your mood will begin to affect theirs, and early on repeated exposure can mold their personalities. 

tell all of this to Jesus, He can heal your heart, remove bitterness and restore your joy. Pick up a bible and start reading Romans it helps me. If you ever want to go to church and make friends who will love on you and lift you up message me and I can take you. :) 

tell all of this to Jesus, He can heal your heart, remove bitterness and restore your joy. Pick up a bible and start reading Romans it helps me. If you ever want to go to church and make friends who will love on you and lift you up message me and I can take you. :)

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Church is a really good place to meet new friends and usually has a great sense of community. Even if you are not religious you could maybe volunteer for a church helping others will make you feel better about your own problems.

You really need someone to talk to. Did you never make friends with friends of your husbands wives? I only really have 1 person here in the U.S that I would consider a true friend. So I can kind of relate, it can be so lonely having no one to open up to about what is bothering you. Do you feel like you can talk to your husband? 

Im so sorry you are feeling like this. I have suffered from mild depression most of my life, but due to an abusive childhood.

I can tell you that this bitter and angry feelings will transfer onto your kids. Not sure how old they are, but the older they get the more angry they will become. Get help before your children are affected. Im telling you this from expirience. YOU are the number one teacher in your babies lives, what you feel and how you act WILL affect them later on in life.

I too have always been like you, refusing help and not knowing where to turn, sadly my children are now affected. DON'T LET IT HAPPEN TO YOUR KIDS! Leave your husband, being with hm is poisoning you and your kids! Move on and find a new begining! 

Thank You for everyone's input..but i do want to clarify that my husband is not cheating anymore..its been about 2 years.. obviously i dont know for a fact but in my heart i know he isnt and he has changed(he's growing up),for how long i do not know,but for now everything is fine,.we dont have problems when where together..its just when he gets deployed or if he ever go's off to school or training thats when he looks else wear..its only when im not around..and then by the time i find out about it everything has been great between us and then bad news just pops up so thats why im always reluctant to leave(but it doesnt make it hurt any less)..plus im from England so if i left it means taking me and my 4 kids across the world and i really dont want to do that to them.. im not gullible or stupid or weak..im actually a very strong women and a "realist"..i know he can go back to his old ways at any time especially if we are apart..i dont even know why im sitting here defending him when he has caused me so much pain but i love him and thats my husband and im gonna stick with him through the good and bad for better for worse...but its just everything that has happend that has turned me into the way i feel now..its taking over my life..im shouting all the time and getting mad at the smallest thing..my patients is wearing thin..after reading all of your comments on here this morning i am going to make a doctors appointment today and seek some counselling..my kids deserve me only at my best..and i know im not at my best right now..they are at home with me every day(age's 4,3,2 &1) so that alone can be a little stressful regardless of how easy i make it lookits actually tough sometime's being the "super woman"..so i think everything is just taking it's toll..hopefully a trip to the doctor's and some counselling will help me..its not gonna be a quick fix or a cure but it will defiantly be a step in the right direction..as far as making friend's go's..i dont have a problem making them...i am just very picky about the people i choose to be friends with..and depression has taken over me so much that i cant be botherd to even do anything with anybody..but ive got to make a change..starting today..im making a change..thanks again everyone. 

I get like that pills make it worse for me I have a 10/6/2 year holds cuz well had a few bad men in my life but I'll do anything for them I love my chickies but I often am always doing things for them I forget about me I two play the super mom roll its tuff with one you definitely got your hands full sometimes having kid's so close together is hard I saw my sister struggle I always helped out, you need to get out to any park's or play places that's mainly how I meet moms or dad's like me trying to do it all and it gives the kid's time to burn out you may just need a break :) try to feel better soon don't let this world break you mama you got it just try and take it slow don't rush or go out of your way take at easy ;) 

Awww OP hope things start looking up for you!