So my daughter is being very irresponsible with her school work. She either doesn't turn it in or she doesn't do it. Her tests can be better. We've taken things away from her as punishment for failing or missing assignments, but nothing changes. Any suggestions how to get her to take her schooling more serious? She use to be such a good student in elementary school. 

Take her to the homeless shelter and tell her she is going to end up like that if she doesnt do good in high school. Because how you succeed in college, has a lot to do with how you did in high school. Not all the time of course but it does have a big affect. haha jk I dont know if I would go to that extent but maybe ask her what she wants to do with her life after HS, and go from there. Also money for grade always motivated me as bad as is may sound. 

treat her like a child if she's going to continue to act like one. Utilize school loop, you should be able to verify every night her homework is complete so it should always be turned in and you can test/quiz her as much as you want. You can also open up lines of communication with her councilors and teachers maybe she needs to be in advanced classes or pulled out of them...who knows. 

My 13 year old had the same problem. It ended up that he was board and not applying himself. We made a deal with him that we would give him $20 per "A". (B,C,&D get $0.) If he got an "F" it voided the whole report card (so I'd he has 5 "A's" & 1"F" he gets $0) it has changed his attitude 110% and has boiled over into other parts of his life. He now uses that money to not only buy special things he wants, but also buys things for his brothers. He even ask if he can take the family out to dinner. Many people have said it is a bad idea but I think it has turn out great. He now applies himself in school, is learning he has to work to get $$, and is learning to be responsible with his $$. 

I am pretty extreme with my boys, but this is what I did when my son started to act up:

I took away EVERYTHING! Phone, computer except to type up reports or do research (and I would monitor that), and the XBox. I took away everything that he loved dearly and gave him the necessities only. He had to EARN his stuff back slowly. I wanted to show him that all that stuff was privileged items. If he wants to live an easy life, he needs to follow MY rules. The more he fought my rules the tougher his life would get.

Every home work assignment or good grade on a test he would earn something back. If he missed a homework assignment he would lose the one thing he just got back.

I would also definitely do what Donnie suggested and contact his teachers. The reason it is important to contact the teachers is because some of them are not as great about recording the assignments on school loop as they are suppose to be. Contact them and let them know you are watching your child's grades and would like to keep the communication open, so you can correct the problem. More than likely they will help. They also might be more than willing to add that pressure if they know the parents care. I know I had a couple of teachers and basketball coaches down my son’s throat too. But, it was because I went to them with the problem and got them involved. My son now has a 3.4! It works, but it take A LOT of work. 

How old is she?? And what's important to her? 

My son now has a 3.4! It works, but it take A LOT of work. 

The GPA was motivation enough for my oldest to get his grades up. 3.0 or better GPA gets me a discount on his car insurance and he knows if his GPA goes below that then his car goes away. I don't even need to monitor him anymore he's way more concerned about losing his car and keeping his grades up then i need to be. lol 

Donny, that is now the main driving factor for my kiddos too! I found a great deal on a car and it's sitting in the drive way.

The report cards just came out... Both over 3.0.

I think the main point OP, you have to say something and MEAN it. You cannot bluff. The kids will be the first to call you on it. Once, they figure it out. They stop. 

We used the car and the cell phones as incentive too, worked pretty good.

DON'T ever Bluff.

I'm also a firm believer in that they need to be working or in sports, music or some other activity. 

GardenWitch- I completely agree. My sister everyonce in a while doesnt do good in school, but she freaking sits in her room all day, the only thing she is in is piano and I dont think that is enough. When I was her age (she doesnt go to highschool till next year) but when I was her age I was always outside doing something. I was in dance and swim. Kids need to be more active, all they do is sit infront of there laptops and 42inch screen t.v.s all day. Doesn't stimulate there brain the way they need. 

LOL, my reasons were purely selfish, I didn't want any of them moving back home after college expecting handouts from us!!!

Dh and I are entirely kid free now, the youngest is a college junior and is paying her own way.

It can be hard for HS freshman (and Jr High kids) to accept that the study habits (or lack of) they are acquiring and how they do in school is going to affect the rest of their lives! 

hahaha great thinking. The only thing I am worried about as far as my child paying her own way. Is not matter how hard I studied/ study I still have a hard time with it sometimes, there are not that many part time jobs that pay enough to pay for college I would want her to be able to concentrate on school. But yes I do see where your coming from. 

I graduated HS with an overall GPA of 3.9 and it has a lot to do with your peers, your goals and how your parents discipline you.

My friends were all 4.0 students, and you don't wanna look like an idiot in front of your friends, and they do their work...so you do yours.

If I had a 4.0 when I got my license I got to chose any car I wanted...well I had a 3.9 lol so I got a new Volvo s60. If my grades dropped I lost my keys...lost my cell phone...my door...my make up...my designer clothes...my weekends...everything lol. And I didn't want that to happen ever! So I made sure my grades stayed up!

And my parents stuck to their ways, if they said it, it happened lol. 

Make-up??? why take makeup away? 

Some good advice, thank you. She's a freshman at Fallbrook high school. They don't have school loop. The teachers don't post things up daily. I wish they would! She never writes down assignments, it all goes off memory and what she wants to remember. I do believe she feels like her friends are more important than her schooling. Sad part is when we get on her, fuss at her, she puts the blame on us, says we shouldn't be on her so much about her grades, that she can take care of it on her own. We tell her, over and over, obviously not, cuz we keep having to fuss at year after year about your grades. I keep hoping one day it will all click and she'll get her butt in gear and take her schooling more seriously. I've talked to her teachers, and they help as much as they can, but they can't give her any special priviledges. You would think, if she's tired of hearing us fuss at her about school and she gets things taken away, that she'd do what she needs to do to avoid those things from happening. She drives me and my husband crazy! 

One of my friends parents took them to a strip club their freshman year, and one of the strippers sat with her and talked to her, told her how hard it is and she is where she is because of her HS years...scared the living heck out of my friend lol 

Some good advice, thank you. She's a freshman at Fallbrook high school. They don't have school loop. The teachers don't post things up daily. I wish they would! She never writes down assignments, it all goes off memory and what she wants to remember. I do believe she feels like her friends are more important than her schooling. Sad part is when we get on her, fuss at her, she puts the blame on us, says we shouldn't be on her so much about her grades, that she can take care of it on her own. We tell her, over and over, obviously not, cuz we keep having to fuss at year after year about your grades. I keep hoping one day it will all click and she'll get her butt in gear and take her schooling more seriously. I've talked to her teachers, and they help as much as they can, but they can't give her any special priviledges. You would think, if she's tired of hearing us fuss at her about school and she gets things taken away, that she'd do what she needs to do to avoid those things from happening. She drives me and my husband crazy! 

You probably aren't taking enough away from her. Video games, internet, cell phones, tv, friends over, sleep overs...etc. You keep having to take things away until it clicks. A social life with their peers is the most important thing to any teenager, you deprive them of that and it clicks. 

DAMN!!!! Just got off the phone with the high school. My stupid daughter got caught off campus with one of her friends. She's NEVER done this before.I am so mad!!!! I'm scared for her, my husband is going to be even madder. He won't get physical, but he will be yelling. 

She's NEVER done this before.I am so mad!!!!

Don't kid yourself she's probably done it before this is just the first time she got CAUGHT. 

What do YOU as a parent want to do? Not what others patents would do.

I will tell you as the parent of a 14 year old daughter, I would let her fail. Sometimes they need to learn the hard way. 

In high school one of my friends moms went to school with him for the day. It really embarrassed the crap out of him.. She followed him around and sat next to him in class even sat at the lunch table with us. And she said She would keep doing it until he started caring about school.
So maybe try that?? I really cared about school and my grades bc i wanted go get into a good college.
But honestly if she isn't responsible enough to care.. Just keep showing her you care for her.
I think following her around school for the day WILL show her you care. And hopefully it will embarrass her enough that you actually went to school with her that's she stsrt to care and be responsible and do it on her own. 

I will tell you as the parent of a 14 year old daughter, I would let her fail. Sometimes they need to learn the hard way.

My daughter is not at that age yet, but if it has anything to do with her achievments in life I will not let my daughter fail I am going to push her to strive for the best she can be and some kids need extra pushing. It just really depends on what it is. 

I don't know what to do. I am so MAD right now! I like the going to school thing with her, but she already knows we care about her grades. She knows how we feel about the importance of her education. We've told her, if we didn't care, we wouldn't be on her so bad about her school. I'm seriously considering enrolling her into the Young Marines program. I've been told to let her fail before, but I can't do it. I've tried. It makes me feel like I'm failing as a parent if I let her fail. 

Yeah she knows you care but she doesn't understand how much you care... She could think you're taking her stuff away just to be a "bitch"
I am by NO MEANS saying you are but at 16 if my parents took away my phone bc I didn't turn in homework I would have thought they did it to be jerks not because they care. 

There might be issue there you dont know about. I was like that to, but it was because I was ADD and I had a lot of problems concentrating and keeping my mind on the work that has nothing to with her rebellion but something to think about. 

Letting your child "fail" isn't teaching them a lesson it's a lazy way to not deal with the problem as a parent. Those will be the same kids that live with their parents until they are in their 30's because they've never been forced to do anything in their lives for themselves.

A teenagers job is to push the limits and see what they can get away with it's how they define their boundaries and what is right and wrong in their minds.

Actions have consequences is the lesson they need to learn and the best way to do that is by depriving them of what the covet. For most teenagers it's a social life away from mom and dad.

Everyone is going to parent different the key is to find what works for your child. Giving up isn't an answer, but finding new ways to teach them a lesson until it sticks is. 

She's NEVER done this before.I am so mad!!!!

Don't kid yourself she's probably done it before this is just the first time she got CAUGHT.

Yeppers!!

At some point after you have taken their entire life away it either clicks or it doesn't. At that point, you have to just let it go, they are old enough they aren't going to listen to you and need to find some things out for themselves. Usually the hard way.

My middle one was the kid who was ALWAYS grounded. I swear she spent her entire sophomore year grounded from friends, phone, everything. She was driven to and from school, we had DAILY reports on whether she was in class etc. Her junior year she started threatening to drop out whenever she didn't get her way. We'd just tell her "It's your life that's going to be screwed up, not ours!!"

I think it bothered her more when we seemed like we DIDN'T care, then when we were all up in her face about grades etc.

Oh and because she had school suspensions on her high school record, none of the 4 yr college's she wanted to go to would accept her. She was pissed she could only go to a local CC and not a good school like her sisters. Plus we made her pay rent, LOL! 

GardenWitch --- 10 min ago - quote - flag comment - hide comments
She's NEVER done this before.I am so mad!!!!

Don't kid yourself she's probably done it before this is just the first time she got CAUGHT.

Yeppers!!

At some point after you have taken their entire life away it either clicks or it doesn't. At that point, you have to just let it go, they are old enough they aren't going to listen to you and need to find some things out for themselves. Usually the hard way.

My middle one was the kid who was ALWAYS grounded. I swear she spent her entire sophomore year grounded from friends, phone, everything. She was driven to and from school, we had DAILY reports on whether she was in class etc. Her junior year she started threatening to drop out whenever she didn't get her way. We'd just tell her "It's your life that's going to be screwed up, not ours!!"

I think it bothered her more when we seemed like we DIDN'T care, then when we were all up in her face about grades etc.

That was my daughter in 7th grade for a short time last year. After telling her she can fail, repeat 7th grade, and have all the same mean teachers, she is now enrolled to enter HS taking all AP/Honors classes. 

Here is what I would do in your shoes...

She got caught skipping here is your chance, TAKE EVERYTHING AWAY!

This is what I told my smart arse son who thought he knew it all. You want to skip, I will play your game, son. It is my duty as a parent to make sure you get to school; therefore, I will take a day off from work and I will personally walk you to all of your classes. He never skipped. And if your child still skips class... DO IT!

I agree you should never take away positive things in a child's life like sports. It keeps them going. My kids will always play sports. I am also open with my kids and tell them I will never take it away. I want my kids to know I mean what I say and I say what I mean. That is the only way.

OP it sounds like your child is seriously testing you.... You have to put down the law. It will be hard. I have felt sick to my stomach because I can be a total push over. But, in the end it was the best thing for my child.

Teenagers are a different breed because their emotions are all outof whack. You need to help control them through this time period.... 

Also know, you are not alone. Most teenagers test their parents. Here is a documentary about a study that was conducted about the teenager's brain. It is real good and gave me a little perspective. You should watch it. It gives a little bit of information about how the teenage mind works.

Inside a Teenagers Mind