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Need to find someone...and I need help.

who's talking here?

LauraLee 1
sweetcheeks 3
Calimommy 1
saywhat?! 7
Barbie 1
SenselessRed 1
shellibeth 5
MaliceInWonderland 1
Poe 5
HavingaBOY 1
shizzlemydizzle 2
riotgrrl 2

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saywhat?! --- 11 years ago -

Ok...so I need to find my husbands biological mother. I have her full maiden name and that is about it. Any ideas where I can start looking? I've tried Ancestry.com and was only able to find the divorce record from when her and my FIL divorced like 20+ years ago. Any ideas would help. TY 

sweetcheeks --- 11 years ago -

The locater is pretty amazing 

saywhat?! --- 11 years ago -

The T.V. show? Lol I've already written there like 4 times. UGH. Just need to find this biznitch asap. 

sweetcheeks --- 11 years ago -

Crap how about a PI? 

LauraLee --- 11 years ago -

Facebook? 

saywhat?! --- 11 years ago -

Too expensive! I'm pregnant and we're saving every extra penny for emergencies. 

shizzlemydizzle --- 11 years ago -

Have you googled her name with her last known city/state?

Use both maiden name and her married/divorced name. 

saywhat?! --- 11 years ago -

I found her. I called one of my friends...he's a computer whiz. He found her new name. I was able to find her on FB! Ugh, now I'm just trying to decide if I should message her or not. My husband and his family have NO interest in having any sort of contact with her, but I want to know her family medical history now that I'm pregnant. DH's dad says there is no genetic disorders or anything like that in her family...but he hasn't seen or spoken to her in 20+ years...at the same time I don't want to open a can of worms and have my FIL pissed at me. What should I do?! 

shizzlemydizzle --- 11 years ago -

Leave it alone.

You don't really NEED the medical history unless a problem crops up with the baby.

Many people don't know their medical history. 

HavingaBOY --- 11 years ago -

I would NOT message her, u dont know the boundaries you would be crossing...and if youre worried just get the genetic testing done in the 1st and 2nd tri.

My husbands mom died, so i dont know anything either :) 

Calimommy --- 11 years ago -

Don't do it. I dont have anything to do with my father. He never wanted me. I would be livid if my husband contacted him, for anything. 

sweetcheeks --- 11 years ago -

Leave it alone 

Barbie --- 11 years ago -

My husband and his family have NO interest in having any sort of contact with her, but I want to know her family medical history now that I'm pregnant.

I would respect my husbands wishes

You don't really NEED the medical history unless a problem crops up with the baby.

True, not to mention they can figure things out quickly if you don't know. I know nothing about my dad (there are two, we never found out which one was the real one) and my son's disease (which is deadly with out surgery) is genetic. None of my husbands or my Mom's family has so it has to be from him and they figured it out with in days, 

shellibeth --- 11 years ago -

I would want to know if that side of your husband's family has a history of heart disease, diabetes, colon cancer, etc. Honestly, I would be more concerned with finding this out for your husband's wellbeing than the baby's.

But maybe you can find it out without contacting her...are there any other family members on that side? 

Poe --- 11 years ago -

Why do you need to know the medical history? I would think that could just add un-needed stress and worry. 

shellibeth --- 11 years ago -

Why do you need to know the medical history? I would think that could just add un-needed stress and worry.

Knowing your medical history allows you to see signs and symptoms for what they really could be and focuses you to get the necessary health screens early.

Also allows you to make lifestyle changes to help prevent illness:

I have a significant family history of diabetes. My daughter does not eat sweets and gets very little carbs. She is on Glucophage, but I have prevented her from being on Insulin like much of my family.

I have a significant family history for breast cancer. I have already had a screening ultrasound for a lump I found, that would have normally just have been overlooked (should I not had a strong family history) and I will begin getting screening mammograms well before age 40.

My dad died of a sudden heart attack in his early 50's. His dad also died of a sudden MI at a young age. My dad had CAD and 3 of his coronary arteries were 80% occluded. Even though he had not signs or symptoms of heart disease, my brother got checked out...at 32 he is already on BP and cholesterol meds that may save his life.

I could go on and on...ignorance is not bliss. 

Poe --- 11 years ago -

True but you could always teach your child to have a healthy lifestyle and have yearly check-ups anyway. 

shellibeth --- 11 years ago -

True but you could always teach your child to have a healthy lifestyle and have yearly check-ups anyway.

The things I described go well beyond a healthy lifestyle and normal screenings for the affected age groups. 'Family history' is a diagnosis insurance companies will accept for screenings not normally covered. 

Poe --- 11 years ago -

Not eating sweets/too many carbs and getting a lump checked out are healthy lifestyle choices and normal screenings.... 

shellibeth --- 11 years ago -

Not even eating the sweets and carbs served in school lunches and having your blood sugar closely monitored is not a normal for a small child.

Doing persistent self-breast exams and realizing that a tiny lump could be cancer and having your physician immediately get you into a diagnostic ultrasound that day is not normal for someone in their early 20's. Nor is getting screening mammograms starting at age 30.

Starting several BP and cholesterol medications when you do eat healthy and work out is not normal for a 30 year-old male.

You are missing the fact that medical practitioners also react differently to signs and symptoms when you have a family history. 

Poe --- 11 years ago -

My boss treats people that don't know their family history as if anything could be in their history. 

saywhat?! --- 11 years ago -

I honestly want the history not just for the baby but for DH as well. I have a family history of numerous things...especially Lupus in the women therefore I'm screened for that every year as a precaution. I don't give a crap about befriending her or even finding out anything about her or her life now. I do know that she has remarried and has 2 daughters now. All I want is to do the best for my husband and our child. Their health and safety mean more to me than potentially pissing off my FIL or even her. Thankfully my FB is set to the strictest privacy settings so even if I message her there she has no way of seeing any of my personal information...she wouldn't even be able to see my friends list or any of my pictures. 

saywhat?! --- 11 years ago -

Also *** I don't see why I shouldn't contact her about her family medical history. I'm trying to be proactive for my baby and for my DH. 

riotgrrl --- 11 years ago -

Is your husband on board about contacting her? I'd personally leave it alone. 

shellibeth --- 11 years ago -

My boss treats people that don't know their family history as if anything could be in their history.

How do they even know what to screen for if no family history is mentioned?

My brother, who eats healthy and works out 5 days a week, certainly would not have gotten a full cardiac blood work up at age 30 if he had not relayed his family history to his physician.

Also, insurance companies will not allow "hunch" as a reimbursable dignosis. They will accept "family history."

I am a med-surg nurse and I see family history used as a diagnostic tool very often. 

saywhat?! --- 11 years ago -

DH is fine with me contacting her. He just doesn't want anything to do with her...like doesn't want her in his personal life, but says when it comes to the baby he thinks it would be prudent to find out any helpful information from her. 

riotgrrl --- 11 years ago -

Well good luck then, just seems like more harm may come then good. 

Poe --- 11 years ago -

Signs/symptoms play a big role. Do you think people that are adopted or don't know most of their family are just denied testing? Anual blood work and other diagnostic testing is good for anyone. You don't need a family history of a condition to develop said condition... and knowing your family does have a history doesn't prevent you from developing it (even if you monitor things).

She may not even want to speak to you let alone give you personal information of hers or members of the family. 

SenselessRed --- 11 years ago -

If you want to do it, then don't worry what we say/think. React on what you think is best for your situation. Good luck though and be careful on crossing the emotional boundary line. You should talk to her as if you are a doctor, just asking for medical history. However, there is a likely chance emotions might become involved and that will be on you to deal with while being pregnant. Good luck. : ) 

MaliceInWonderland --- 11 years ago -

You just stated your hubby's family doesn't want anything to do with her, so why would you try and contact her??
Some things are best left alone.. 

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