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Iggy 1
wallie 1
LaLa 1
AnonyMISS 1
Liberal Scumbag 1
Maleficent 1

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AnonyMISS --- 10 years ago -

Morning Everyone, My husband and I found out yesterday his sister suffered a miscarriage of her twins at 9 weeks. They have been trying for a long time to get pregnant and our family s devastated. Of course I'd like to offer her some kind of comfort, but I have no idea what she is going through. Does anyone have any advice? Granted we are stationed very far away from home, but is there anything I can do? My husband and I were also trying to get pregnant ourselves and now we don't really know if we should continue or hold off in respects to her.... thoughts, advice? 

wallie --- 10 years ago -

There are alot of sites that can help. Google miscarriage, and infertility. So sorry for your sisters loss. But in my opinion you guys should not stop trying. She will most likely be happy for you, just be gentle about how you tell her. From what Ive read its easiest to call or email (if you guys find out youre pregnant) and then give her the time to process it and wait for her to contact you. But emailing or calling gives her the opportunity to deal with it by herself 

Iggy --- 10 years ago -

Sorry to hear about their loss-
My husband and I have been trying after his vasectomy reversal I got pregnant so quick- 3 months after only to miscarry.

Nothing anyone can say or do to make it better- seemed everyone at that time was pregnant and it was very hard to deal with. I would say dont put off your trying. She needs hope that there is still a chance and coming from some one who suffered one also that would only make her feel worse- knowing you put it off for them.

I would say send sweet loving notes saying you are there for her in this time- its just something everyone handles completely different. 

Liberal Scumbag --- 10 years ago -

I second what Iggy said. After my m/c, it seemed like the world was rubbing everyone else's pregnancies in my face...and it was devastating.

My "best" memories, if you can call them that, are of the people who were sincerely sorry and who didn't try to throw any old cliche'd "condolences" at me. Friends' older sisters who had been through the same thing who simply said, "I've been there, I know what you're feeling, it sucks but you will feel better in time."

Things NOT to say: "God has a plan, it's probably for the better, they're in a better place." Also, "You can try again soon," "When it's meant to happen, it will happen," and any other belief-oriented stuff like that. All bullsh*t. Keep the Hallmark cliches to yourself. (Not that you would say them...I'm just saying, don't grasp at straws and come up with the stuff that will only make her feel worse.

Tell her you're thinking about her. Tell her you love her and miss her and wish you could be there to hug and comfort her. If you really don't know what to say, say that. "I don't know the right thing to say, I just want you to know how truly sorry I am."

I'm so sorry for her loss. I know how devastating it is, and there really is NOTHING anyone can say to make the pain go away. You can only love her until she starts feeling better on her own. 

LaLa --- 10 years ago -

I had one a couple years ago.
There is really not a whole lot you can do. Time made it easier. But we still have yet to try again.
and sometimes talking about it made it worse.
I hope they can have a child someday. 

Maleficent --- 10 years ago -

Completely agree with Iggy and LS word for word. 

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